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The Pain cracking your Mask :.
There was a piece of you I could never forget saying it was the pain cracking your mask. Say it was your cold attitude but your warm embrace. Say unspoken words with your body when your mouth moved without a pace. What's left to say. Saying to yourself you've been here before. Hurt, damaged and bruised. Thinking to yourself how do I get out of the blues. Searching for some answers, someone to tell you the truth.
A friend to hold you up when all hope feels lost. In a disarray relieving what seems to be endless moments of pain. The struggle to be a better you when the world seems to be crashing down on you. Crushing your vertebrae making the bones in your body ache. From the outside most would have no clue of the hell you're going through.
The efforts to keep others together when you're losing your grip of reality all these different trials make it feel like it's insanity. When that mask cracks and the real you breaks through. All shards sharp like the breaking of a glass jar. With liquid like poison devouring all that dare to consume. Just because you were there for them doesn't mean they would dare be there for you. But you ask yourself who would dare to love you. With all your scars and flaws and that's all you see because that's what people point out to you so it blinds you to see. The person you could become because after that mask cracks there is really no going back or holding back.
It’s like God is sending you a message to get your life back on track. Passed all this hopelessness. Because if it were really all just an act? Why wouldn’t you call me out on that. To say how the broken truly feel. To say what I felt was real. Would you reply with “Sorry, no deal.” Even if that's how you really felt, alone in your room? When the pain cracked through your mask. I honestly thought you knew me better than that. It's a shame we would never get that time back. But then again aren’t we all strangers walking around with a revolving mask. Of what we say & what we do never revealing of what we've been through because those feelings of doubt caused us to think that no one cares of the scars that mark our flesh or even worse the ones no one sees.
Now tell me please this isn’t deep? When you hear those echoing screams of those negative thoughts. Hoping, Wishing, Praying to be like Hercules and slay scar. (the demons of your mind.) The pressure of a legacy ??? The fear that someone might actually care enough to stay??? Or maybe it's just the fact you're addicted to the pain?! & if you dare let me help you utilise it… As they say every Rose has a Thorn.
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(To anyone who has ever loved someone who didn’t believe in love. I won’t be the first to say, me 2.)
That's the thing about masks they eventually crack. You can only pretend to be someone strong for so long. Until you have to deal with the person who was hiding underneath it for so long.
The Pain cracking your mask in other words:
I May have had a lot of issues in my past but that's what made my developmental studies so potent. That's why my drive is so strong. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel all the pain I felt. & that's what made my heart beat like this from all the misery, all the suffering those inflicted upon my life all because the girls they liked, liked me instead of them. Yet that's why it's been so easy for me to connect with members of the broken because all my life I walked in those shoes. All that pain you think you're concealing eventually cracks through that mask and it's never a pretty sight when everything you kept bottle up inside cracks through that glass and all your shattered pieces lay in front of everyone to see pass the person you pretended to be..
When my mask cracked everyone just laughed at everything I kept hidden inside of me. Extensive salt in my open wounds so to speak that's why so much of us keep it concealed until this point. Nobody really believes those that have actually experienced this level of trauma because it's more than what they went through. Similar to when my friends spoke about when they got raped and they just received hate and those girls who lied about it got all the sympathy. Sheepeople really are cruel & awful creatures always picking on the injured and defenceless obtaining credit from anothers survival of traumatic experiences…
That's why most of the time I travel lone. You can pick someone up from the gravel that doesn’t mean they would do the same for you. You can apply dressing to their wounds and those same people will stab you just to watch you bleed. But you shouldn’t mind me because it won’t be too long before I leave. Just trying to say you're not the only one who conceals pain, you're not the only who has been betrayed and you probably won’t be the last person to forget me once our time is done. But you would remember all the lessons I taught. & that's really what I have alway been about replacing that pain you feel inside to joy to show anyone really another outlook on life. In the here and now. Remember the word currently. Because it's always been about the here & now. We can’t change our past and our future always changes but the present is where we carve a change into a direction of spontaneity. If you were looking for a person who held onto a good heart despite the prejudgement and wrongful prosecution from others here I am.
Walkin through what seemed to be the fiery walls of hell. Not to save myself from the torment but to shelter another from harm. To show a way towards a better day far away from all this internal pain. My words show you, I felt the same. Because It's all from a deep root of pain blooming into a beautiful tree bearing sweet fruits to eat with a blissful sight erasing all those painful memories to reveal to you the present is where you would find peace among friends who want you to succeed. There are always going to be people who don’t like you and lie about you but those people you shouldn’t focus on, focus on those who make you feel good, pull you up when you're feeling low, remain when everyone else leaves, these are the people you should find your strength in. The ones that actually believe in the person you can become. . .